WHAT'S NEW IS GETTING OLD

“I am not pleading for poverty but praising simplicity.”

— Eknath Easwaran

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Out with the old, and in with the new. What is up with that in our society?

I’ve had plenty of cause to ponder this question in the last few of weeks, which has made me wonder why we hold “old stuff” in such low esteem.

Too. Much. Stuff.

Apple releases its new iPhone 5s, and people are scrambling to chuck their old versions, even if their current phones are working just fine. We got caught up ourselves, and investigated upgrading from our  iPhone4s because we’d had our old ones for so long — three years(!) But we became so annoyed upon discovering that we would also have to replace all of our cords, including car chargers, that we decided to stick with the old awhile. Why can’t companies design for universal cords? What is up with that?

We have spent the last three years shedding accumulated stuff and simplifying our lives. We’ve twice significantly downsized our living space. This was inspired in part by having to clean out two houses after my parents' deaths that were chockfull of stuff. I'd estimate that 60 percent of it ended up in a landfill.  Last week, we spent part of a day preparing for the installation of organizing systems in our high-rise condo. As we cleared out the closets for what seemed like the gazillionth time in three years, I still came across several things I forgot I had and never use. Scientific research is showing that, once basic needs are met,  acquiring more stuff  doesn’t correlate to more happiness. (We highly recommend the book Affluenza by John DeGraaf, Dave Wann, and Thomas Naylor  or The Story of Stuff if you want to learn more.) Why do I still cling to stuff I have forgotten I have? What is up with that?

Gene "Wild Man" Marshall, 81, out-dancing everyone.

Our attitudes toward “old” also often extend to people. At a time when we could most benefit from the wisdom acquired from people’s extensive experience and expertise, we suggest older people  retire and make way for the younger generation. Companies shed long-time workers, often because their salaries are the highest. The amount of institutional knowledge and general wisdom sent out the door is clearly undervalued. I was struck by this — quite forcibly — after meeting at our annual authors retreat a vibrant and connected man whose chronological age is 81. He freely shared his rich life experiences, his insights and his life force. People were eager to engage him in one-on-one conversation (and most of us, with a few exceptions, are hardly spring chickens.)  The entire community was enthralled by his exuberant and indomitable spirit. Then we were completely blown away when he outdanced everyone at our Saturday night festivities. He didn’t take a single break as the DJ played rock, R&B, zydeco and swing tunes for more than two hours. Not one! Yet most people would look at him and just see an “old” man. What is up with that?

I wish I had answers. The question seems relevant to our modern times, and finding the answers seems imperative. But I am encouraged by the Systemic Authenticity initiative of Patagonia, a successful outdoor clothing and gear company. The company launched an advertising campaign that actually encouraging people buy less, or buy used. The company makes products that last three times longer than most of its competitors, and its mission includes deep commitment to sustainability. This company encourages customers to buy less, but still posts healthy profits.

What is up with that? I’m not sure, but I’d love to see more companies and consumers follow Patagonia’s example.

INTERNAL SMILE = ETERNAL SMILE

“Want to do the advanced version of this (yoga) pose?

Smile.”

— Mary Bruce, yoga teacher extraordinaire

Look at that smile!

Each year, Jamie and I gather with one of our tribes for a few days of fellowship, learning, and rejuvenation. We belong to the BK Authors Cooperative, which hosts an annual retreat packed with rich conversation, singing, idea sharing, hugs, and a whole lot of fun. I’m still blissed out after our time with these folks last weekend in Minneapolis.

Each year, we deepen relationships and discover new friends. We fall a little more in love. And this year, among the gifts I came away with was a renewed appreciation for the power of the smile.

For whatever reason, I especially noticed the people who always seem to have, as Thich Nhat Hanh describes it, “a tiny bud of a smile.”  It’s not like they walked around grinning all the time or only lit up when they passed by. As Isaac Barrow says, they looked to be “smiling always with a never fading serenity of countenance.”  Their expressions were pleasant, curious, happy — and I know from conversations that their lives have been as complex as anyone’s, with pain, rejection and feelings of being overwhelmed.

This “natural smile” is something I notice in other people, too, even passing strangers. In particular, I notice how I feel when I see them. Spirit lifted, always lighter.

One of the privileges I have at this retreat is teaching an early morning yoga class. Last year, as people’s thighs were quivering in chair pose, I stole the quote above that my teacher, Mary Bruce, frequently uses.  I’ve probably heard her say it hundreds of times over the years.  It always elicits a smile and just like that, I feel lighter in the pose. At the authors retreat this year, one of the yoga regulars told me that quote had stayed with her all year. She shared it with her yoga teachers at almost every class she had taken.

In his beautiful book Peace Is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hahn writes, “If in our daily lives we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit.” That tiny bud of a smile “nourishes awareness and calms us miraculously.”  

Scientific research underscores Thich Nhat Hanh’s premise, revealing the power of the smile on human happiness and well-being. One of the most significant studies, done by Robert Zajonc, centered on the physiological expression of a smile — without attached emotion. He had people repeat vowel sounds that forced their mouths into various expressions. The long “e” sound stretches the corners of the mouth outward and the “u” sound forces a kind of pout. Zajonc’s published study reported that subjects reported feeling good after making the long “e” sound and bad after making a long “u.” The study is among many that reveals the cause-and-effect of stretching your lips into a smile and the power that has to change mood and outlook.

I want to cultivate that constant  “tiny bud” that naturally blooms into contentment. So I’m going to try a science experiment of my own. I am going to try and hold the long “e” vowel sound in my mind.

Maybe you want to try, too. Maybe if we do it together, we can make the world just a little lighter by creating the smile eeeeeeeeternal. 

EASY LOVING

Who is easiest for you to love?

Erich Schiffmann, an internationally renowned master yoga teacher, posed the question during a weekend intensive I attended a few months ago. He quickly refined the question: It was not about who do you love the most. It is not for whom would you do anything. Nor for whom you would die protecting.

Who is easiest for you to love?

My mind immediately snapped to the obvious answers. Well, my family, of course! My husband, my children, my grandson. Without a doubt they are the ones I love the most. They occupy a vast and prominent landscape in my emotional territory. Their place in my heart is assured. And though I hope I’m never put to the test, I would do anything to protect them.

But... easiest to love? Honestly? Not always. Like most human relationships, my love for family is layered with expectations — mine and theirs. Though it is usually subtle and subconscious, I struggle when they don’t do what I want them to do, or see things in the way I think they should.  I judge. We argue. I expect them to be who I think they should be, and I get disappointed when they aren’t.

My love for my family is boundless. Our tethering and the profound connection we share is bedrock. No doubt about that.

But easiest to love?

Well, that would have to be Bodhi Qat.

Schiffmann describes love as the willingness to see and accept what is real in another. In other words,  truly loving someone means saying, “I see you. And I willingly choose to recognize and honor what is real and true about you.” With complete acceptance. Without expectations.

I see Bodhi. I never expect him to be anything but a cat.

When he begins to sharpen his claws on the chair in the second bedroom, I don’t explode in anger because he isn’t taking better care of the furniture. Why would I expect a cat to care about furniture? I direct him to his scratching post or trim his claws.

When he jumps on my head at 4:30 a.m. every morning, I don’t simmer with resentment because he won’t let me sleep. That’s the time he wakes up. He wants to eat, and that’s how he lets me know. Bodhi either gets fed, or I put him out and shut the door until I’m ready to feed him. Have I trained him to keep off the kitchen counters and dining room table? I have, while acknowledging that it's his nature to jump up there.

Never have I stewed over why Bodhi doesn’t sleep less and work more. When he bites my elbow while I’m trying to work, I don’t take it personally. I know he wants to play, and I throw him a toy mouse.  I never expect him to take my advice, follow my instructions, pay more attention to me, or help around the house. I never expect him to be anything but the feline creature he is.

Bodhi is easy to love because I see that a cat is all he can be.

Since that weekend, I’ve thought a lot about why it is so hard to truly see people in the same way I see Bodhi. Why do I let ego block my ability to see and recognize and honor what is real about people — the ones I hold most dear and those who pass fleetingly through my life? Why do I choose to cling to expectations and slog through a swamp of disappointment when they don’t get met? Why do I expect them to take care of the furniture, let me sleep, take my advice, and behave the way I think they should?  

Learning to love people in this way is a practice. Awareness is the first step. With intention, action, and practice, I hope some day to learn to see people as they are, not through the lens of my expectations. I want to love people easily,  like I love Bodhi. 

YOGA AND THE ART OF SALES

These days sales is not just about products and services. A successful salesperson is not an order taker, but a relationship manager. While technical knowledge is important, it’s not enough. Customers can get technical knowledge online and choose channels for placing orders, which makes relationship management and building capacity of the customer the essential heart of a successful sales transaction.

Businessman and author Brian Tracy,  among the top sales training professionals in the world, advises people to develop three qualities to become the “best of the best” :

Commitment
“The more you love your work, the more you care about your customers.”

Confronting your fears
“The more you repeat ‘I can do it’, the lower your fears and the higher is your self-esteem and self-confidence.”

Ambition
“Keep developing one new skill and ability each day, each week, and each month that moves you forward.”

You don’t see time management, being a “skillful closer” or “qualifying customers up front” on his list. Brian’s list is about intention and internal development, not skills. And yoga has plenty to offer in the personal development arena.

Here are four simple yoga practices that can help those working in sales become the “best of the best.”

Discipline (tapas)
Tapas literally means “heat.” The practice is about “burning off” things that don’t serve you well. It also is about developing the habit of leaning into the discomfort and anxiety created by change.  Practicing tapas serves you when you’re learning something new (if I persevere, I’ll become competent) or changing a habit that is getting in the way of your success. Developing a tapas practice could begin by choosing a desire you want to satisfy or a goal you must stretch to obtain. Make a list of what you would have to give up to achieve the desire. What do you stand to gain? Pick one activity that will move you toward your desire and practice it daily.

Meditation (dhyana)
The research overwhelmingly supports the mental and physical benefits of regular meditation. The practice doesn’t require you to sit cross-legged with eyes closed for lengthy periods.  Meditation can be as simple as creating a mantra. (Brian Tracy recommends “I can do it.”) The practice is important. Try sitting alone quietly for two or three minutes each morning as you reflect on your intentions for the day. What can you do to “stay present” with your customers? What kind of relationship can you create? Jot a few notes in a journal after the reflection. Practice your mantra throughout the day, then review your notes in the evening. What do you notice?

Focus (dharana)
The secret to becoming “best of the best” is focus — more than a notion in today’s environment of “infobesity.” Creating practices for mental focus is similar to the physical training one does to prepare for a marathon, or the practice drills you do before an exam. Sit quietly and focus intently on a candle flame or a piece of art for five minutes. When a thought becomes distracting, acknowledge it, then let it float away. This practice can help you stay present to your customers’ conversations by focusing intently on what they say — without judgment.  After a meeting with a customer, test your listening skills by seeing how much of the conversation you can capture in notes.

Surrender (ishvara-pranidhana)
This may be the most powerful yoga precept of all in the changing world of business-to-business sales. If sales is a relationship-management profession, then surrendering attachment to the end result (making the sale) will help you focus on customer needs and how to satisfy them. Sometimes the best recommendation for a valued customer might be to buy nothing. Or they might be better served investing in a product or service that is different than the one you represent. If you’re attached to the sale, it’s almost impossible to do what is best for the customer.