SIX VOWS, THREE YEARS

The air had been recently cleansed by rain, the sun was shining, the temperature was mild. It was a made-to-order beautiful morning when Jamie and I faced each other three years ago and committed spending the rest of our lives together.  

We both had been married before, and neither of us took the ceremony nor the commitment lightly. We invested significant time and discussion creating our own vows, because they would articulate the vision of the life and relationship we intended to create together. 

During a workshop we did last week, one man asked us with a sort of amused exasperation: "Do you guys ever fight?" We laughed. Yes. Of course we fight! Like any couple, we are confronted with the difficult issues that come with complex histories, blended families and the problems that life has a habit of throwing in your path. These vows, a concrete expression of who we want to be in this marriage, are especially meaningful because they help pull us into the authentic conversations we need to have to honor our intentions. 

In commemoration and celebration of the third anniversary of that perfect day, we are posting our wedding vows: 

     I promise to be fully accountable for the success of our life together, even in difficult times.

     I promise to nurture and protect every aspect of our relationship.

     I promise to honor and embrace your family, as I do my own.

     I promise to extend forgiveness, and to embrace humility in the face of my own failings.

     I promise to keep our conversations alive by extending good will, being transparent and listening with an open heart and mind.

     Finally, I promise to always pay attention, to love you more each and every day, and to demonstrate my love for you with conscious action.

     I make these promises honoring your divine spirit, our spiritual union and recognizing the divine light that unites us all.

INTENTION AND THE GRUMBLER

A beautiful spring day last weekend got Jamie and me back on our road bikes. As a farily novice rider, I don't like to ride on the streets.  We are fortunate to have a well-maintained bike path near our home, with underpasses that allow us to avoid the traffic and delays that come with riding on the roads. 

One of the first things I learned from Jamie, who has been cycling for years, was the importance of letting others know that you're coming. When he is riding in the lead, he is unfailing about alerting people when we are behind them wanting to pass, warning walkers/joggers that we're coming up from behind, and hollering "BIKE UP" as we enter an underpass tunnel and  again when we are about to emerge.

As we rode last weekend, The Grumbler in my mind started up because many riders fail to extend the same courtesies and safety warnings. The Grumbler started whinjing and asking pesky questions like: "Why should you holler and warn other riders when they obviously don't do the same thing for you? Maybe you should just look out for yourself. "

That's when it's helpful for me to remember the power of clear intentions. When I'm hearing all the reasons I could act like everyone else, I can remind The Grumbler (who bears a remarkable resemblance to me) that my intention is to be a courteous and safe rider, regardless of how others choose to behave. And so I re-commit to following the common-sense guidelines that Jamie taught me when I started cycling.

The Grumblers occasionally appear when we're working with clients or doing workshops. "Well, I tried being authentic with So-and-So and it didn't turn out the way I hoped," they say to us. "They weren't willing to be authentic with me, so why should I put myself out there?"

If we're only trying on Authentic as a way to get something we want from others, that is just another form of manipulation. This is why we so heavily emphasize that the first, most important work in having Authentic Conversations is to get clear on your own intentions. Decide who you want to be in the world, then commit to living in alignment. What is your purpose in the moment? What do you want to create now and in the future? 

We believe being authentic is something to do because of the importance of those kinds of questions, not something to do so others will behave in a certain manner or treat us the way we want them to.

Once I remembered my bike rider intentions, I made it clear to The Grumbler that I was making a different choice. For good measure, I put in a little extra oomph when I hollered "BIKE UP!"

MAREN

SAVING JOBS BY ENGAGING EMPLOYEES

Paul Levy is the CEO, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center is the organization. The problem is a $20 million shortfall in revenues, and 600 employees are in the cross-hairs for layoffs.

What happened next is so uncommon it made the news:  A head with a heart.

Mr. Levy convened a large meeting of employees and gave them a direct, clear picture of what was going on with the company. He told them he wanted help resolving the issue so that the “lower wage earners” wouldn't be the ones who suffered the most. He made it clear that resolution meant that everyone would be affected.

Not only did he earn a standing ovation, he had enough suggestions in a week (sometimes flying in at 100 per hour) to trim $15 million off the shortfall, which reduced the potential for layoffs from 600 to 150.

In one afternoon meeting, Mr. Levy:

• Used engagement and authentic conversation to solve a difficult business issue.


• Created for people in the medical center a powerful personal experience and      connection to the business.


• Created a culture of accountability in the room that transcended the moment.


• Engaged everyone with one simple question: “How do we reduce costs without the burden falling to the lower wage earners?


• Demonstrated that leading with humility and ethics can get you good results. 

Thanks to our friend Polly Gates for bringing this to our attention.

JAMIE & MAREN

A GOOD APPLE

We have been hammered ad nauseum in the last several months with stories about  CEO self-interest and greed. So a recent article about CEO Bobby Keen, of Hancock Regional Hospital near Indianapolis, radiated hope and a shining example of what is possible.  If you’re looking for a lift, we highly recommend reading the article.

As CEO of this hospital, which in 2008 generated $155 million in revenue, Keen understands — and exhibits through action — that if employees at all levels don’t understand and commit to the organization’s mission, they can’t effectively contribute to shaping the company’s future.

In the article, Mr. Keen refers to four specific factors that contribute to creating a culture of inclusion. They have one thing in common – authentic conversations. They honor freedom, choice and accountability as fundamental aspects of human existence.

When we set up competitive environments at work, winning is what matters. When winning is the emphasis in organizational cultures, an outlook of scarcity rather than abundance develops, which encourages behaviors that are rooted in self-interest rather than the good of the whole. That kind of mindset is a huge roadblock to understanding the critical interdependencies and collaboration needed to create business success.

Too many CEOs see the work that goes into creating this kind of culture as someone else’s responsibility. We are delighted to see CEOs like Mr. Keen who are building cultures of inclusion and engagement and demonstrating the powerful force inherent in authentic conversations. 

We'd love to start getting hammered with stories about CEOs like Keen. 

 JAMIE